I want to be silly; I actually demand to be silly. For years I was looking at the world from the wrong window, I had it all wrong. Nobody gives a crap about how you feel or how great you are or even what good do you bring to the universe. If you are unable to solve a simple math problem, unable to comprehend a William Shakespeare poem or unable to pronounce a 14-lettered word then you are hip you are SO COOL.
I am lame, I am not joking I AM LAME; example of my lameness, what was I thinking when I chose a major in communication believing I can change the world. What was I thinking when I fell in love with a man younger than me by almost 5 years. What was I thinking when I tried fixing it by accepting to get engaged to a man older than me by almost 5 years; although, I am sure he is less mature than the first guy. And what the hell was I thinking when I tried to go back to the first guy believing in the whole crap “love conquers all”.
Although I am 27, sharp as a knife, educated, intellectual etc…. I was wrong; thank god I finally woke up from my coma, woke up crap free “meaning love free” and every thing is crystal clear. My first observations were; there’s no place for gullible people in the field of communication, and whoever said love is blind is a complete idiot, love has wide open eyes, love is damn compatible on all levels.
Now lets go back to my desire of being silly, all the mentioned above are thoughts and concerns of a boring depressive being, who wants to be that person? Definitely not me or you, we all want to be happy, wake up every morning put on our fake faces (girls wear make up and in some cases guys too) men shave their proof of testosterone and off we go to work, riding in our cars listening to Gaga or this new dude Bruno Mars, reach the office be this light, sweet, optimistic person who only see colors and have no limit to his love to live and embracing the moment. We all want to be this floating on air person this charming single pain free person who constantly flirts with his/her colleague without giving clear signs and this colleague “the depressive being, formerly me” who have already imagined the house, the name of the kids what schools they’d go too etc. Luckily it’s never going to happen.
Moving on, I want to be this person who wakes up every day to a fake carefree life frosted with music I only listen to because it’s what cool “IN” people listen to. I want to have a lunch break where I discuss with my colleagues where is our next fun night out going to be or how sick my new expensive hi-tech device that I bought the other day; though I am going to have to cut back on some expenses till the end of the month but it is so worth it because it is limited edition.
Seriously wouldn’t that be awesome to have a pointless happy life rather than a point full miserable life. I am not being cynical it is how I truly feel, as I expressed earlier I have done so many mistakes in my life, like my love affair that some like to call “molestation”. I keep referring to this story in all my print expressions probably going to do so for a while longer because although it was the biggest mistake in my life it was also the best thing that ever happened to me. This unforgivable mistake allowed me to reinvent myself.
To be continued…